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[krmvgivv]

Hey, you've reached Dipper! I'm not here right now, but leave a message and I'll get back to you soon!

...

But if this is paranormal-related? Hang up now, call back, let it ring exactly twice, then hang up again. Don't leave a message. I'll get back to you even sooner.


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[krmvgivv]

[He's not in the usual places she'd find him. Not in his room or Angel's Investigations or the library or any of the food places. But eventually, she'll probably remember that he's told her he likes going into the caves when he needs to think (aka sulk) and that, if he's conspicuously none of the places he'd normally be, there's a good chance she'll find him there.

And indeed, if she goes down there, she'll pretty soon see a light, and if she follows it, there's Dipper, sitting with a book in front of him, though it doesn't look like he's actually turned a page in a while. He's more staring in front of him, looking unhappy.

He straightens when he sees her coming.]

....Clem?

[shorthair]

( Clementine remembers. She holds on to what people tell her, and it's why she's in the caves not long after she starts to look for him but doesn't find him anywhere else. She steps into the darkness, meeting his gaze when she finds the light.

The Event was hard for most people. It wasn't bad for her despite the fact it maybe should have been given what it was- it was her world. It was her world shoved on everyone else. )

Hey.

( her voice is soft. )

I was worried. I was looking for you.

[krmvgivv]

Sorry. [He glances away, chucking a pebble at the wall.] I'm okay, I promise. I didn't turn into a zombie or anything.

[He just killed his friend who did. Why does this feel so much worse than when he's actually died?]

[shorthair]

( She shakes her head at the apology, moving forward until she's sitting beside him. She takes his hand in her own, sitting, waiting. Physical affection doesn't come very easily to Clementine, but she's known Dipper for a long time now, and she cares a lot about him. The thought that he could have gotten bit and turned while she had no idea occurred to her in a scary kind of way as she would have- she would have wanted to help him. It's not that. There's some relief, but she still worries. )

But something happened.

[krmvgivv]

Mabel didn't turn either. [He doesn't know if he could have survived that. He can be wr not enough to kill his best friend, maybe, but not his sister. Even knowing it was the right thing.]

...and technically, I guess, Wirt didn't turn. Not... all the way.

[shorthair]

( Clementine didn't think it had been Mabel either if only because- because he knows Dipper wouldn't have made it past that. They're important to each other, deeply so. He'd be a wreck now if it- if it'd gone that way. Even more of a wreck. She breathes in sharp, because it's all he needs to say.

She saw Wirt's network post. She wasn't nearby so she couldn't help, but she- she's half wishing now she had been. She'd found a way over there if only to have spared Dipper this. )

You stopped him before he could turn. You stopped him from becoming a walker.

[krmvgivv]

I know... I know it was the right thing to do. [His voice doesn't quite break, but it's close.] I've seen zombie movies before. I've even been through a few zombie events already. I know. I know. I just....

[Knowing it's the right thing to do doesn't make it feel less like killing his friend.]

[shorthair]

( It breaks her heart. Sometimes she thinks everything that happens can't reach her anymore, and then- then it happens to someone she cares about. It's different. It brings it right back to her all over again. )

Knowing it's right, it doesn't change you still had to shoot someone you love to do it. It doesn't change the cost, and it doesn't change you've got to carry it now.

And it doesn't change it's bullshit you had to do it at all. ( Her voice shakes a little with anger, with concern. )

[krmvgivv]

[He squeezes her hand, grimacing a little.]

I... I know. I mean, it could be worse, right? [Not much worse. But it could have been.] He could have... actually turned and tried to kill me. At least this was... [He gulps.] Easy.

[There was nothing easy about it.]

[shorthair]

( It would have been worse for Wirt if he'd actually turned and tried to kill him, but- but it's much easier to kill a walker version of someone they love instead of the- the still human them. The one that's not rotting, the one that's not a hungry monster. She doesn't disagree with him out loud though. )

Dipper, there's nothing easy about it. It shouldn't be easy. It's- ( Her arms wind around him then in a hug as her throat clogs with emotion. ) It's the hardest thing, and it's okay to feel that.

[krmvgivv]

[He goes limp against her, still a little too much in shock to hug back.]

Is this... have you... [He swallows, not quite able to finish the question. Besides, he knows the answer.]

[shorthair]

Yeah.

The man who found me and took care of me for almost a year. Lee. ( one day maybe it won't hurt to say his name, but he died because of her- he got bit because of her before she ever put a bullet in his head. ) I shot him after he got bit. I was a lot younger then.

[krmvgivv]

I'm sorry.

[How much worse would it have been if it was someone who'd been taking care of you? He tries to imagine shooting Stan and wants to throw up again.]

Zombies are so stupid.

[shorthair]

( Clementine shakes her head. It was a long time ago, and she was different then. She's sorry too though that it happened, that Dipper had to do it at all. She presses a hand to her face before she nods. )

They're so stupid.

They're the worst. I just wanted you to know you're not alone with it- I mean, killing someone you love.... so they wouldn't become something worse.

[krmvgivv]

[He gives a jerky half nod. He doesn't totally know what to say to that. How can he simultaneously be glad he doesn't have to feel alone and so sad that Clementine has to feel the way he does?

It's complicated. And so, so stupid.]

At... at least it's not permanent here. Wirt's fine.

[shorthair]

Yeah, I'm glad he's back. He's alive again. He knows he didn't get the chance to bite anyone else or to be- to be one of those fucking things. That's important.

I don't know what it's like to die here, but even coming back, it's still gotta feel- ( Clementine shakes her head. It still has to feel like losing something.

Maybe. She swallows and shakes her head. )

[krmvgivv]

You haven't died here? [Dipper has. Twice. It wasn't fun.] How long have you been here?

[shorthair]

Almost a year. ( It's probably only a matter of time before she dies too. It sort of seems inevitable. ) I know surviving means staying out of trouble so usually I hide when Events are really dangerous. Sometimes it means not doing the right thing too. It means doing something fucked up or screwing someone else over.

...and sometimes you can do everything you can to survive, and you still die.

[krmvgivv]

And sometimes you're just dumb and think things won't be as dangerous as they are and you die and other people die too and it's all your fault.

[He's died twice, though not for a long time now. He holds onto the guilt, though. Even now.]

[shorthair]

I've been dumb before too, and people died because of it. ( It's how Lee died. It's how everyone died when she walked away from them, thinking the man on the radio knew where her parents were. ) It's shitty, but-

( Her voice cuts off, and she shakes her head. )

I'm sorry you died. I'm sorry you know what it's like.

( to carry that kind of guilt )

[krmvgivv]

It was a while ago now.

[He leans against her shoulder.]

I got a lot more careful. We all did.