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DIPPER AND MABEL'S GUIDE TO WONDERLAND
Yes, that Alice. She's been here over 150 years. (And she looks GREAT for her age!!) Once, she was like us, but she was here so long that the only memory she had left was of her cat, Dinah. The Queen of Hearts really hates her and unmade her Mirror, then Alice got stuck on the Mirror side for five years hiding from her in the vents. When the Queen found her, she took Alice's eyes and her last memory. Then she spent a few years being one of the residents who announces events cryptically until a heroic team consisting of myself, Mabel (THAT’S ME), Alphys, Sam Winchester, and Peter Parker restored her eyes and with it, her last memory. Now she's still announcing events and apparently can teleport. She's not exactly one of us, but she's not one of them either.
The Duchess gave her The Duke, aka the third best pig ever (after Waddles and Boris) to protect her!
ADDED 6/13/18: Now that the Queen of Hearts is gone, hopefully she'll be around more?
ADDED 8/2/19: She kind of broke Wonderland a little bit but we aren't holding it against her.
Rules the Mirror Side with an iron fist. She made all the Mirrors, and she can unmake them whenever she feels like it if they don't obey her. Considering she also imbues them with total loyalty, they don't disobey her all that often. She's sisters with the Red Queen and White Queen and is the wielder of the Vorpal Sword. Kind of a control freak. Probably also the reason we can come back from the dead, especially after the fifth time. Of course, when she pulls your soul out of the Core the fifth time, she makes you a creepy loyal spy for her, so… not ideal. She's also the only Queen not named after a color, which is weird.
She doesn’t like Alice, which means she has no soul, because how could anyone not like Alice!!
ADDED 6/13/19: Declared war on the Red Queen and the real side. Turns out war meant chess. She lost, but didn't take it well, and then was sucked into the ground. Maybe into the Core? Unclear. Now the White Queen's in charge.
ADDED 8/2/19: So it turns out she WAS queen of the Dream Side because THE DREAM SIDE IS A THING. Originally Hearts was supposed to rule over the Dream Side and fight the Jabberwock(y) forever, but then she instead killed her sister (the White Queen) and took over the Mirror Side. Apparently, she didn't realize her sister would stay dead, but that's a pretty terrible excuse for stabbing your sister. Not that I can entirely blame her for having the impulse.
Sister to the Queen of Hearts and the White Queen. Wields the Vorpal Shield. Less of a jerk than the Queen of Hearts, but still not really someone I want to mess with. When the Vorpal Sword proved to be fake, leaving the Queens with no way to slay the Jabberwock, she used the Shield to trap herself and the Jabberwock in the Core. She stayed there for years until a team consisting of Georgia and Shaun Mason, Tim W, Jay M, and Alphys freed her during the same event that gave Alice back her eyes. It was a very active event.
I don't know why Tim and Jay have last names that are just initials. It could be a weird thing in their world. (But I bet it made alphabetizing so much easier during class pictures!)
ADDED 6/13/18: With the Queen of Hearts gone, the Red Queen now also has the Vorpal Sword.
ADDED 8/2/19: With the White Queen gone, now she's got the Real Side AND the Mirror Side. And the Dream Side too, I guess. Yikes. Hope she's really a good guy.
Seems nice, but might be really bad news. During one winter event, we got to see an alternate Wonderland where she had overthrown the Queen of Hearts and we had no events, but no memories either. It was majorly creepy. She'd put all our memories in jars, I guess? Anyway, she might be dead now. It's unclear.
Is anyone really dead in Wonderland? People come and go so quickly here. (HAH SEE WHAT I DID THERE? ‘Cause… it’s like the movie.)
Also it's possible she wields the Vorpal Yarn. Which is apparently a thing you can wield. (Of course you can wield it! Have you even seen me knit??) It's gold and not necessary for returning Alice's eyes. Just in case she ever loses them again.
That’s pretty much the only thing that makes her better than the other Queens. The lady’s got good taste.
ADDED 6/13/18: SO GUESS SHE'S NOT DEAD!! Anymore?? There were all these donation boxes that kept taking a word, then when the Queen of Hearts got sucked into the ground, they exploded and she appeared. She's ruling the Mirror Side now, and is all about peace between Mirrors and Reals. That's probably a good thing, but I just can't shake the memory of that other Wonderland.
ADDED 8/2/19: Never mind she is DEFINITELY dead. Queen of Hearts killed her. The one who showed up and ruled the Mirror Side for a while was actually the Jabberwock(y).
Creepy cat, has a tendency to grin and disappear, really likes milk and fish. Its voice fades in and out and is hard to follow. Has way too many teeth. Which means he’s the best at smiling!
Creepy twins that give normal, non-creepy twins a bad name. They tend to finish each other's sentences and are pretty much always together. There's probably a way to tell them apart, but I haven't figured it out.
Have you tried asking them? Duh.
ADDED 8/2/19: Also part of the team that broke Wonderland.
Pretty helpful if you can manage to wake him up! A big fan of both sleep and treacle. When he's not sleeping, he's one of the more straightforward Wonderland residents to talk to.
He doesn’t live in any of the tea rooms. Trust me- I’ve checked.
ADDED 8/2/19: Turns out he spends a lot of time on the Dream Side, which is where the Jabberwock(y) spends most of its time. If you catch him there, he's pretty lucid. But I don't know how to get over there, though.
Has a pig but no head. I mean, she has a head, she just carries it around instead of having it attached to her shoulders. She seems pretty powerful compared to a lot of the others. Once she stole the Vorpal Sword and made everyone hunt for it before giving the Queen a fake. She's also managed to reverse the Mirrors so we could see onto the Mirror side for once. Has a pig.
I made him mention the pig twice. THE DUKE IS IMPORTANT. We don’t know why she gave him to Alice, but we’re glad she did! She’s a-okay in my book.
ADDED 12/23/17: Her head's back on now. No idea why, but it might be related to why Alice has her pig now.
ADDED 6/13/18: Possibly used to be the White Queen's subject? But the White Queen doesn't remember this. Also gone now. Not clear why.
Is not shaped like a triangle and will probably not try to possess you. Has built a lot of Wonderland (possibly all of it??) and likes fixing stuff. Most recently, added a giant lake shaped like a lizard.
He’s also British for some reason. Maybe that’s where he was from before he came to Wonderland.
ADDED 6/13/18: Also made a mini-minigolf course for me and Mabel. Called "Pit Pat." Not here anymore, since the same time the Duchess vanished.
These guys are weird, even by Wonderland standards. They're playing cards except they have heads and hands and stuff. The ones we usually see are the two of spades, the four of clubs, and the three of diamonds. Are there more that just don't come out?? We just don't know. Obviously we've got a Queen of Hearts, but she seems to be something different. I think they might garden or something? Not sure.
What if there’s a playing card Queen of Hearts and the other Queen of Hearts is holding her hostage, because she doesn’t wanna share her title? It’s like that old show about the immortal people who are always going on about how “There can’t be more than one of us around, because reasons.” Ooooh. Mysterious~
IS IT JABBERWOCK OR JABBERWOCKY?? WHY DOES IT SWITCH EVERY TIME SOMEONE'S TALKING ABOUT IT? WHY CAN'T WE BE CONSISTENT WITH SPELLING? DID IT USED TO BE JABBERWOCKY UNTIL IT ATE THE Y? IS JABBERWOCK A NICKNAME? SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN! (BREATHE DIPPER. IT’S GONNA BE OKAY) (Inconsistent spelling is not okay, Mabel! That's how England happened!)
Anyway, the Jabberwock(y) is a horrifying monster that eats pretty much everything and can haunt your dreams and terrify you. It also takes on the attributes of anything it eats, which again, is terrifying, because it eats EVERYTHING. That big weird land scar on the grounds comes from it. The only known thing that can kill it is the Vorpal Sword. The Red Queen trapped it in the Core once, but now that she's out, who knows how long it will stay there?
Stay connected with Angel Investigations for all your Jabberwocky Updates- I’m calling it JabberWotch! JabberWatch. It’s JabberWatch.
ADDED 8/2/19: Pretended to be the White Queen for a while, until an event from all the superheroes turned it back into itself. Also, apparently caused a lizard rain? It apparently doesn't care whether you say Jabberwock or Jabberwocky. It can never be full but it still eats everything because it finds it fun.
WHERE IS HE??? I STILL DON’T KNOW. He's dead, Mabel. LIAAR.
Why would I Ugh, never mind. The White Rabbit died and the Jabberwock(y) wore him as a creepy skin suit. We don’t know exactly what happened to him, but he probably has something to do with the Rabbit Hole, which can be used to cross to the Mirror Side.
I think there’s another side to this story we’re not hearing. We need the March Hare to weigh in on this. No March Hares have shown up during the time we've been here.
Doppelgängers on the other side of the mirror. The Queen of Hearts makes them. They’re naturally loyal to her, both because she makes them that way and because she can completely unmake them and remake them if she wants. They can cross over whenever they want, technically, but if they do it without the Queen’s permission, they’ll be in big trouble. If you find one on this side, you can force them return to their side by showing them their reflection.
Mirrors don’t have to be evil versions of yourself! They just have to be different from you. And if your Mirror is a nice person, that doesn’t mean you’re bad. It just means you’re not nice! They’re complicated. Just like Reals.
Also? We can’t see them but they can see us through every mirror in the mansion. Breaking them works but they fix themselves. I mostly keep it covered and play music and only break it when I want to say something really secret. Sometimes they might talk to you by writing on the glass. This can be a good way to learn more about them and Wonderland, but be careful! They can lie, and they might not be who you think they are.
But you can trick the really gullible ones. Like Dippy Fresh! (I HATE THAT GUY SO MUCH.)
ADDED 6/13/18: With the White Queen in charge, they no longer have to spy on us and theoretically she's not going to unmake them at the drop of the hat anymore. Possibly things are gonna be better between Mirrors and Reals now.
ADDED 8/2/19: Thanks to Clementine's Mirror and their current lack of a dedicated Queen, they can come over whenever they want now I guess? Except they have to be back on their side by midnight.
Approximately every two weeks, one of the people I’ve mentioned here will show up on the network and leave a cryptic message. Usually it doesn’t make sense until a few days later when the event hits. There are two kinds of events: The ones that come from Wonderland and the ones that come from us. Or, specifically, from our ~memories~.
Mostly, we get the ones that come from us. For a few days, something happens that connects to one of our worlds. Sometimes the mansion changes. Sometimes we change. Sometimes both. Sometimes it comes from more than one world. Occasionally they’re kind of fun, but usually they’re really terrible. Also, if it’s from your world you’ll wake up having forgotten a word and you’ll never be able to remember it or even hear or read it again. Even if someone says it to you, you’re still all whaaaaat?
Wonderland events are kind of different, and not always announced. They usually happen around three times a year. There’s always something in December, and then usually spring and summer or early fall. These tend to be longer and we usually get to learn more about Wonderland during them. Sometimes the Mirrors cross over to our side during these events. They might pretend to be their Reals so be careful! You can always tell the difference between me and my Mirror, because my Mirror doesn’t have braces! Don’t be fooled by those straight teeth made of lies!
The thing that powers Wonderland. It eats memories and human souls. Dying feeds it. So do events. It’s on the Mirror Side, but I wouldn’t recommend looking into it. You’ll feel really sick, pass out, and lose a memory.
You might be thinking, “Oh I’m super strong! And super immune to everything! I bet I can look into the Core and not have anything happen.” Well, let me tell you a thing! When Dipper and I went, we had an actual angel with us, and he almost blacked out too! You’re not better than the Core! If you have to go look, just to prove you’re super macho or super smart, then use the buddy system!
ADDED 6/13/18: Apparently can swallow people (the Queen of Hearts, specifically) into the ground.
ADDED 8/2/19: So the Core is definitely sentient. Pertidot and Entrapta managed to contact it and actually get it to talk to them. Made a big hole in the Mansion, but still pretty cool.
First of all, no matter what Grunkle Stan tells you, you can’t bribe them with laundry detergent like people did in the olden times. Honestly most business advice Grunkle Stan gives should be ignored.
Mostly, what they want to trade is memories. In exchange, you can get pretty much anything short of specific people or creatures, even rare things the closet won’t supply. But you’ll lose a memory and no, you don’t get to pick which one. Sometimes it’s worth it, but usually not so much.
And that’s why I don’t have Waddles here. :(
Good news: it's not permanent! Bad news: it's still not a very good idea to die. Sometimes during an event, bad stuff happens, and you may find yourself taking a temporary shuffle off this mortal coil. You'll stay dead for a little while, then you'll come back. Generally speaking, it's one day for your first death, two days for your second, and so on, through fourth. When you die, your soul goes into the Core, and the Queen of Hearts pulls it out. It takes a little longer each time. The fifth time, it's so hard that she has to take something from you to make it work, and you become loyal to her like the Mirrors. Which is all kinds of creepy.
And have I mentioned lately that she’s THE ABSOLUTE WORST? You totally don’t wanna end up like the Bee Guy.
So trying not to die is a really good idea, but our deaths fuel Wonderland so if no one dies, Wonderland might implode. The good news is, that's not likely to happen, since Wonderland throws a lot of terrible events at us!
But if you do die, try to do it when your family or your friends aren’t nearby. It is way less traumatizing. Yikes.
Also sometimes, deaths don't count. You can usually tell if it takes you longer or shorter than usual to come back from them.
A lot of people say you can't leave, and that's sort of true, but not quite. You can't leave on purpose. People go home all the time. Sometimes, they leave, but all of their stuff stays where it is. Then they'll come back a week later, still remembering Wonderland, but also having gone through a whole lot of stuff back home. Other times, all of their stuff is gone. Then it's a lot more likely they won't remember Wonderland at all when they come back. If they come back. If it's less than a month they might remember! But anything more than that and it'll be like they've never been here before. It can be really awkward.
And scrapbooks don’t work at all to trigger any of those old Wonderland memories. I’ve tried.
When you go home, it's like time hasn't moved at all while you were gone. Also, you won't remember Wonderland, though if you come back you'll remember it again. Time also doesn't move while we're here, which means you don't age at all. Physically, anyway. It still feels like time is passing. You might also notice the seasons change really abruptly. Like someone's changing the backdrop more than nature just happening.
It’s always great when you get that first day of snow on everything, though.
ADDED 8/2/19: People have been coming back with their memories from Wonderland intact now even though they've been gone for YEARS. I have no idea why.
And... this one's gonna sound weird, but hear me out. I'm pretty sure Wonderland is alive. There was this party where all these people showed up from all these different universes, like even more than usual, but only for a week, and after solving a bunch of puzzles, we got this creepy recording that played a message thanking us for coming and making it less lonely. The Queen of Hearts doesn't seem to have nearly as much power as she'd like, and the library and closets seem almost alive in how they work. I don't know if it's actually sentient or anything but it's certainly something.
Maybe Wonderland just really wants friends. Awww.
ADDED 8/2/19: Yeah, definitely sentient. Or the Core is. Or both??